Forget this life, come with me
Don't look back, you're safe now
- Evanescence, 'Anywhere'
It's 4am again and insomnia has set in again. If my absence from bloggersphere was missed, gomenasai to my loyal 22 followers. i have been playing...a game called life.
Ok whatever. But true it is, the perk this week of working with sharks was that we got a free tarot card reading. The card woman said i am 'uncommunicative' hmmf
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
- Evanescence, Anywhere
i had no reason to believe her until yesterday night when i went out with Y. Something silly happened and i did not speak. Its not like i did not have anything to say...there was a flood of emotions and i could not organise my thoughts. Its suffocating, i felt so cornered...and the questions kept coming, felt like words, sentences were slapping and punching me in the face. Reminded me of a time that seems a million light years away. But that was real, atleast these are just words.
Anyhoo, on introspection, the card lady was right about a lot of other things too. idk if it is a spiritual pact to say mean things to shock people into cleaning up their act or something, but the card lady gave me the impression that everything i say or do is doomed :/ And, when today i spilled tea on the power socket and narrowly escaped shot circuiting the workplace, i am forced to think it may be true.
i recently set fire to couple of other things too. But, this was a good fire. All the diaries with naive stuff about M, the day i lost my mind and the dried flowers, notes and 4 year old packet of weed that M gave me (i was saving it for a special occasion, guess there were none) had a happy funeral. It feels nice to let go, all the funeral drama makes it so real.
Or maybe it was a bad idea...especially torching the packet of pot. Maybe i should add 'possible arsonist' to my list of mental disorders-Akemi-is likely to-suffer from (or already does).
You don't remember me
But, i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream
And dream, i do
-Evanescence, Taking over me
Its almost 5am and i have to wake up in 3 hours, put on a mask and go to workplace. i have a sinking feeling i will be late, not that the sharks will notice when the tiny guppy fish floats in, but it is a bad thing if they are in a mood to feed on someone's happiness and self-esteem.
Akemi hates it...but there is no way out. Like sensei had said long ago- dying without making a mark is a tragedy, not a loss. Come to think of it, i haven't seen sensei in the longest time. Oh darn, i really have to sleep now or lie in bed till it is unbearable.
Sayonara
-.-
Don't look back, you're safe now
- Evanescence, 'Anywhere'
It's 4am again and insomnia has set in again. If my absence from bloggersphere was missed, gomenasai to my loyal 22 followers. i have been playing...a game called life.
Ok whatever. But true it is, the perk this week of working with sharks was that we got a free tarot card reading. The card woman said i am 'uncommunicative' hmmf
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
- Evanescence, Anywhere
i had no reason to believe her until yesterday night when i went out with Y. Something silly happened and i did not speak. Its not like i did not have anything to say...there was a flood of emotions and i could not organise my thoughts. Its suffocating, i felt so cornered...and the questions kept coming, felt like words, sentences were slapping and punching me in the face. Reminded me of a time that seems a million light years away. But that was real, atleast these are just words.
Anyhoo, on introspection, the card lady was right about a lot of other things too. idk if it is a spiritual pact to say mean things to shock people into cleaning up their act or something, but the card lady gave me the impression that everything i say or do is doomed :/ And, when today i spilled tea on the power socket and narrowly escaped shot circuiting the workplace, i am forced to think it may be true.
i recently set fire to couple of other things too. But, this was a good fire. All the diaries with naive stuff about M, the day i lost my mind and the dried flowers, notes and 4 year old packet of weed that M gave me (i was saving it for a special occasion, guess there were none) had a happy funeral. It feels nice to let go, all the funeral drama makes it so real.
Or maybe it was a bad idea...especially torching the packet of pot. Maybe i should add 'possible arsonist' to my list of mental disorders-Akemi-is likely to-suffer from (or already does).
You don't remember me
But, i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream
And dream, i do
-Evanescence, Taking over me
Its almost 5am and i have to wake up in 3 hours, put on a mask and go to workplace. i have a sinking feeling i will be late, not that the sharks will notice when the tiny guppy fish floats in, but it is a bad thing if they are in a mood to feed on someone's happiness and self-esteem.
Akemi hates it...but there is no way out. Like sensei had said long ago- dying without making a mark is a tragedy, not a loss. Come to think of it, i haven't seen sensei in the longest time. Oh darn, i really have to sleep now or lie in bed till it is unbearable.
Sayonara
-.-
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