Dissolved girl

It's THAT time of the year again...
People around me are getting expensive holidays, FB statuses and photo dedications, jewellery blah blah. i, for one, don't feel so out of place except that before i used to hope that M would finally do something special this year around. He never did.
M wasn't the sweep-you-off-your-feet gestures kinda guy...or maybe we were always out of money and just managing to travel long distances to meet each other usually overrode the need to get a token of love. 

Her eyes
She's on the dark side
Neutralize
Every man in sight
To love you, love you, love you ... 

- Massive Attack, Angel

i had goosebumps for weeks every time i listened this song, cuz M had dedicated it to me. Chills down my spine...that a diamond ring would have never given me....

But then, it's all motherfucking bullshit.

My plans? i want to wallow in this epic movie of all times Factory Girl. And then read this book i was just given by a colleague. It has an awesome cover.
Check it out. 

So true nein? 

Anyway, my mum is in deep shit. It is kinda funny in a way...but i guess it seems funny only to me and mum. Dad, doesn't know about it or to put in mildly has been told a very sanitised version of the magnanimity of the shit mum is in. So, though we are not really bothered, it still lurks in the back of our heads. Okay, also today is a big festival for us hill folks. So, i am dressed in yellow traditional garb and eating lotsa sweet things cuz i cannot eat meat today and oh! i am in a self-imposed rehab. So yea, life is still the same old shit magnet with or without M. 

Seems like he is having loadsa fun post fucking-up my life. Well... 

Anyhoo, i am very touched looking at the responses to my previous post. Kamsamida guys... i leave you with images of the Factory Girl, the story of my life right now and one of the most beautiful movies ever filmed. 

  

This one is dedicated to M

And this is what M would say...

Sayonara

*__*

Fuerza

i learnt something...but to write about that i need to rewind to the earlier part of the day.

As a writer, i am ecstatic whenever i get some response from the readers. But since that happens so rarely...what happened when i reached my office caught me unaware.
i got a hate mail from our MOST AVID reader, a fanatic who clearly has his religious and moral beliefs not in the right place. Well so ideally my day should have been bad and self esteem murdered?
WRONG

The sameday, i interviewed a very important lady who even complimented me as a journalist, met the starcast of an upcoming movie and yea...ate something nice.
After a long time...i feel alive. My confidence hasn't exactly been soaring after what T did and then M too and i couldn't protect myself, once again.
Many a night has passed since then... and ii questioned if my purpose in life was to pine away, waiting for God to punish them...

i still dont have an answer but i see a glimmer of strength within me...maybe Akemi will survive?