A gay glass bubble

I live in a kind of gay bubble. I live in a gay house, I drive a gay car. I eat gay food.
Julian Clary

New place. New job.

Everything comes from nothing. And it is true. And so there will be a new me.

Make more effort on this being a fashion blog and not my personal rants, though i am sure they might just seep in sometimes. It is like having new year resolutions.Anyway the place feels like a home away from home ONLY because of the greenery and the weather sometimes...and i have a photographically inclined roomie so finally i can take part in online competitions! Though it is a different issue that i NEVER win any giveaways. Sometimes i wonder if anybody i know wins them.

So the grass is really different coloured here...like a fluorescent green and so cheerful looking. And the sky is the bluest blue. The place makes me feel warm and gay... remember when you were a kid and gay meant being so happy. Yea i mean just that. It kind of ups my mood even in my most depressive days. It amazes me that the horrid gas tragedy in India had to happen here.  My new house has given me a new disease - OCD. i jus cannot stop cleaning and re-cleaning. But i have few fashion posts coming.

Sayonara

Soledad

cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you 


I experience ego loss today...just by looking my tear stained face, nose running down my face, my hair around my face where i tugged at them screaming. i looked so ugly and if M ever saw me like this, i know he would run away. My ugliness seeps deeper, it is firmly interred in my soul and is sucking life out of me.


Beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bones.


Sometimes reality seems like a nightmare where i am falling off a cliff...but then i cannot make it go away by pinching myself to senses. I can escape from this self created and nurtured hell, by saying that i am stupid. But then it is difficult for everyone believe that i let all this happen to me. And it has slowly dawned that sometimes walking through life with your eyes closed can make you fall into a pit, darkness where no one will rescue you.


In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad 


i have a job in the same English newspaper where i had screwed up my placement interview. Don't ask how i feel...i can feel no more  than something bittersweet. My little pleasures in life like wearing what i like and then random photo sessions do not exist anymore. My life is not mine and i have abig doubt if i am who i think i am...
So i have decide that i am going to alienate myself to a point of a glorious death. i have not spoken to anyone and my only human contact are my office colleagues.
Sometimes it is difficult and i feel like crying, but i know this will lead me to astage of a glorious end...magical and angelic.

i am too pure for you or anyone.

Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years