Love is so short, forgetting so long

i think many people may have known this from before. But i certainly didn't.
Isn't it that when you lose the most precious thing in your life, everything else doesn't hold that much value anymore?
Well i had this thought, when i was swaying in the chilly wind, standing on the roof of my house. M  has gone and has taken my dreams with him. There is a vacuum, which i am stuffing with everything but it never goes away.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul
-Pablo Neruda

My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but, i will go on living.

So then comes the second stage of reckless endangerment. i have scheduled a super-fast bike ride for myself at night, have been suffocating my lungs, over-working my liver and muddying my self respect.
Is it strange that when i attempt to cross that thin line between life and death, then i see the thing that is most
precious to me? Cuz i do.
Ah! but i don't really feel anything. That is what reckless endangerment is all about. If you come out alive from this seemingly long phase, then maybe there is life beyond that.
What i really want to know is that...when nothing is the same as before, am i also changing?

It was my destiny to love and say goodbye

Sayonara
*__*