The truth hurts
And the lie's worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
- James Morrison ft Nelly Furtado, 'Broken Strings'
Everyone wants to talk and be intellectual...get somewhere.
And i just want to live peacefully. No money, Akemi is happy. No man, Akemi is happy.
Or maybe not...
i feel strangely independent after what seems to be an eternity. i am aware i am being pushed and pulled into this pseudo-normal life that Y leads. And i have managed to evade it so far...but i am not sure for how long...
The new love keeps me occupied...i don't have time to indulge in melancholy, but then euphoria was never my true friend. i miss the sadness sometimes.
M is a ghost, i don't think about him or whatever he does or may choose to do. Its like thoughts of him are like the mist in the mountains, they just wet my face and go, but i remain the same. He called me, once and then again. i don't feel anything, not even a hint of once i felt nor any regrets or longing...just nothing like the mist, the vapour.
Maybe cuz i am finally learning to love myself, rather than be told how imperfect i am. Y criticises me too...but his words are like he will help me become a better person. i feel weird, after being pushed in a corner and abused in the name of love, i am not sure if this is real.
A cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
i'm a wounded satellite
i need you now, put me back together
Make it right
- Anna Molly, Incubus
But sometimes, i retrace my steps... i try to think about why i held on to it for so long? i know its pointless but still...i am scared to think about Y and what the future holds, instead. Before, there was despair and that was sort of comforting. Like i knew myself and it seemed...right.
The happiness makes me feel like i am flying and suddenly i can't anymore...like there is nothing to break my fall into free space.
Now that the heart has changed, the life does too.
i plan to move out of my old apartment. Changed my friends too...more like found out who is real and who is not. It took just drinks and drugs spree to get in my senses. Btw, that spree also cost me my hair. i chopped off my locks and didn't quite regret it either. Then.
i don't now either but i know now, that i won't be doing that again. Like so many other things. i quite like this phase, it gives me a sort of clarity about life. Even though i'm starting the new life with a list of don'ts.
Sayonara
*__*
And the lie's worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
- James Morrison ft Nelly Furtado, 'Broken Strings'
Everyone wants to talk and be intellectual...get somewhere.
And i just want to live peacefully. No money, Akemi is happy. No man, Akemi is happy.
Or maybe not...
i feel strangely independent after what seems to be an eternity. i am aware i am being pushed and pulled into this pseudo-normal life that Y leads. And i have managed to evade it so far...but i am not sure for how long...
The new love keeps me occupied...i don't have time to indulge in melancholy, but then euphoria was never my true friend. i miss the sadness sometimes.
M is a ghost, i don't think about him or whatever he does or may choose to do. Its like thoughts of him are like the mist in the mountains, they just wet my face and go, but i remain the same. He called me, once and then again. i don't feel anything, not even a hint of once i felt nor any regrets or longing...just nothing like the mist, the vapour.
Maybe cuz i am finally learning to love myself, rather than be told how imperfect i am. Y criticises me too...but his words are like he will help me become a better person. i feel weird, after being pushed in a corner and abused in the name of love, i am not sure if this is real.
A cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
i'm a wounded satellite
i need you now, put me back together
Make it right
- Anna Molly, Incubus
But sometimes, i retrace my steps... i try to think about why i held on to it for so long? i know its pointless but still...i am scared to think about Y and what the future holds, instead. Before, there was despair and that was sort of comforting. Like i knew myself and it seemed...right.
The happiness makes me feel like i am flying and suddenly i can't anymore...like there is nothing to break my fall into free space.
 |
| Hawa sangai udi aauchau, choyera janchau feri |
i plan to move out of my old apartment. Changed my friends too...more like found out who is real and who is not. It took just drinks and drugs spree to get in my senses. Btw, that spree also cost me my hair. i chopped off my locks and didn't quite regret it either. Then.
i don't now either but i know now, that i won't be doing that again. Like so many other things. i quite like this phase, it gives me a sort of clarity about life. Even though i'm starting the new life with a list of don'ts.
 |
| Timro yaad mai, jeudeo maryo |
Sayonara
*__*
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