Why

Buzzed again.

 Found a gem of a song on a friend's Facebook wall. My day is complete...just the way an awesome song perfects the day. 


So, the fashion week has ended. The usual feeling of what-do-i-do-now has crept in. i think i just like being in motion all the time, you get less time to think and go to the 'dark side'. i was thinking of starting a sister blog for this one (not brother, cuz sisterhood is cuter and they can exchange clothes). Something for the more amiable side of me, i mean it seems churlish to know all the fashion-behind-the scenes-goss and not share it *doki doki* 

But again, i am not sure...just like everything else in my life. 
My new flat mates are AWESOME. i mean, after staying away from home, shacking up with random strangers along the way for the past 4 years, i seem to have struck gold as far as flatmates go. 
So my birthday happened too somewhere in between the madness.
(This crap below was written somwhere in between the between the madness.)  

Winehousing 

i don't feel like having a celebration. i don't understand that when you grow up, the onus of having a birthday bash falls on your own shoulders :/ i miss the mommy-organised birthday parties. And now, mommy is far away and probably thinks i'm cool with the "SPACE" she gives me.

If there is a memo listing these Weird Adult Birthday Behaviours, i haven't got one. 

Anyhoo, i went on a SPLURGE. Literally. i have been showering myself with gifts and love (meh! read booze). A swanky new room with a purple wall (yes, i have shifted house yet again), a weird carpet for the swanky room and a maid to wash my clothes. *SIGH* even my presents to myself are so middle-aged. 
i feel as old as the hills and i don't feel like partying. And the HATT (Happy All The Time) feeling that i associated with hitting mid twenties is a LIE. 

The perfect song for the day...

Sayonara
*__*

Piege

i feel you, anyway
In every tear that i may shed
In every word i've never said...
-Schiller, 'i feel you'

Words are so unimportant...so hollow. Sometimes i feel this and i think i am the weirdest girl i know. i just can't grasp the fact that people don't know that talk is so cheap...and even if they are aware of this, why is everyone still talking?

And anyone would say that they feel the same
When you love someone like i loved you
i don't understand the way we are today 

It is that time of the night again...4am. i had a strange dream again and then i couldn't sleep. It has been happening a lot lately...and i cannot seem to interpret them. i hate don't like it. i don't understand this hour. Its sometimes my best friend and sometimes my worst enemy. 

Sometimes all the happiness seems so wrong, so hollow sometimes. i think of the sad times and they seem so real, the pain is so intense that i feel it was just yesterday. i don't think anybody starts off in life with sadness on their minds, they just slowly arrive at a sorrow station. Some catch the next train out while some never get out. 
i like to think that Akemi catches a train out of the sorrow station but comes back to spend some time at the place that was her home a while ago.



i think i miss some part of me that i lost long ago, but i just can't remember what...
i am tired of pretending, but all i remember is the humiliation


Sayonara :'(