Thursday, March 14, 2019

A word whore

You know you have been going in a circle over and over again when life throws you same problems but in different packaging. 
You peel the package open and you find it is the same problem. It's just a newer version...but the same thing that you thought you had put behind you, but no, because here it is again. 




Remember when millions of years ago i had painstakingly poured out my pain through Microsoft Paint and told the tale of an ex who was bragging that i was just a fling and i quote "i am more in love with her language than her."

Here, join my 21-year-old self in the misery -Lovesongs in my head, killed us.

Anyway, same problem...different packaging. 

One of my new colleague and an old one, constantly keep hitting me up, feigning friendship and small-talk till they come around to the real deal - Hey can you write me a short intro for my interview or Can you check my script? or Can you write this or that...
 

They seem like harmless questions or just 'favours'. But i never cash the favours...and my words take them far away to happy lands of success and accolades, while i am still here languishing in a place where my work has never received a compliment in the 8 months I have spent here. 
A place where i am constantly made to feel lesser and when the day ends, i feel so small that i cannot even validate my own existence. 
i reach home in a daze, light up cigarettes after another, looking at stars and finding reasons to cry but the tears never come. 

This voice inside of me has lost its breath
It's far too tired to sing at ease
All of the things I never said out loud

They will remain inside of me
- Gert Taberner, Fallen



So, i whore my words out because even though they are stealing my thoughts...at least my words get to be in a happy place and receive kind words that i never will. 

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