Its funny how many people come and go in your life. And yet, they all leave something behind.
i still remember that guy who pulled me in when i was hanging to the door for my dear life on a fast moving, over crowded DTC bus. That was almost 4 years ago. i didn't know him..nor do i know him now. But i remember his act of kindness to this day and i still call him my messiah. Then, there are people with whom you share bittersweet/awkward memories that you don't know quite how to feel about.
Like Y does a really cute thing for me sometimes. Just cuz i like to unwind after work with my cigarettes and music, he calls me up, plays music (my music...read: trashy hip hop or emo screamo) and we just sit in silence...its nice. As in, was...since my monthly monster managed to make things awkward.
Ughhh! i asked him to play Tonight by FM Static, which is my emo song for my dead dog, Dingo. Ughh^infinity, halfway through the song i started tearing up and by the time it finished, i was bawling like a bald, toothless baby. Y really didn't know what just hit him and though he was all gentlemanly about it, i still sincerely wish for the earth to split wide open and swallow me -.-
Mero aankhama hardin badal chairahyo
Binti cha kasaile aandhi layideu
- Deep Shrestha, 'Mero aankhama'
M used to sing this song for me. i still listen to it sometimes... but i don't know him now. i just know and remember the thing that he left behind with me. Not clothes or souvenirs, just the memory of something i felt so long ago.
But not all leaving behind is of the good kinds, you know. Sometimes i think back of one of the many BBFs (Backstabbing Best Friends) in my life, the horrors of being violated and also the people who pushed me into my suicidal phase.
i wonder why they did what they did and how do they feel now. Do they even think about me or if i was just another inviting Welcome-Walk-All over-me doormat for them?
Bring your love baby, i could bring my shame
Bring the drugs baby, i could bring my pain
- The Weeknd, 'Wicked Games'
Do we really have control over what we leave behind? Or does it depend on the disposition of the other person? i can choose to keep bad memories of the piercing pain in my heart, the tears and the nights i lay awake, alone and thinking about suicide OR i can remember the laughs i shared, the good vibes and the happy memories.
Like, i am sure my first few flat mates and the first few boyfriends have nothing good to remember me by, or if they even remember me at all :/
Note to self: Leave behind goodness.
Sayonara
*_*
i still remember that guy who pulled me in when i was hanging to the door for my dear life on a fast moving, over crowded DTC bus. That was almost 4 years ago. i didn't know him..nor do i know him now. But i remember his act of kindness to this day and i still call him my messiah. Then, there are people with whom you share bittersweet/awkward memories that you don't know quite how to feel about.
Like Y does a really cute thing for me sometimes. Just cuz i like to unwind after work with my cigarettes and music, he calls me up, plays music (my music...read: trashy hip hop or emo screamo) and we just sit in silence...its nice. As in, was...since my monthly monster managed to make things awkward.
Ughhh! i asked him to play Tonight by FM Static, which is my emo song for my dead dog, Dingo. Ughh^infinity, halfway through the song i started tearing up and by the time it finished, i was bawling like a bald, toothless baby. Y really didn't know what just hit him and though he was all gentlemanly about it, i still sincerely wish for the earth to split wide open and swallow me -.-
Mero aankhama hardin badal chairahyo
Binti cha kasaile aandhi layideu
- Deep Shrestha, 'Mero aankhama'
M used to sing this song for me. i still listen to it sometimes... but i don't know him now. i just know and remember the thing that he left behind with me. Not clothes or souvenirs, just the memory of something i felt so long ago.
But not all leaving behind is of the good kinds, you know. Sometimes i think back of one of the many BBFs (Backstabbing Best Friends) in my life, the horrors of being violated and also the people who pushed me into my suicidal phase.
i wonder why they did what they did and how do they feel now. Do they even think about me or if i was just another inviting Welcome-Walk-All over-me doormat for them?
Bring your love baby, i could bring my shame
Bring the drugs baby, i could bring my pain
- The Weeknd, 'Wicked Games'
Do we really have control over what we leave behind? Or does it depend on the disposition of the other person? i can choose to keep bad memories of the piercing pain in my heart, the tears and the nights i lay awake, alone and thinking about suicide OR i can remember the laughs i shared, the good vibes and the happy memories.
Like, i am sure my first few flat mates and the first few boyfriends have nothing good to remember me by, or if they even remember me at all :/
Note to self: Leave behind goodness.
 |
| A never-worn dress that i cannot show love to anymore. So, it's FOR SALE. Lemme know, if any takers *__* |
Sayonara
*_*
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