i let myself fall into a lie
i let my walls come down
i let myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
- Smile Empty Soul, 'With this knife'
Today i want to talk to no one about how you can be surrounded by thousands of people and yet have no one to talk to. Its not like my friends and family don't love me, it is how you can miraculously find words to converse with a complete stranger and yet...can't utter a single sentence to the person sharing your bed.
i am awfully jealous of people who know where they want to go and what they want to do rather than being pushed, pulled, going with the flow. Hell, i can't even tell anyone which ice cream flavour i like or if i like ice cream at all? i can go for years believing i hate ice cream and decide one winter that i was wrong along.
i knew i loved you, before i met you
i think i dreamed you into life
- Savage Garden
Y is trying to make me feel better by sending me cheesy songs from the nineties. i feel bad for him, he doesn't have to bear with my volatile behaviour, my sudden need to push him away and the violent temper. What makes it worse is the feeling that i get in the pit of my stomach while i am misbehaving- he doesn't have to bear all this, then why? And for how long....
i don't ever want to find out, though. i feel indebted and the what if question haunts me. After M, i felt like a hole had been punched through me. i was so lifeless and empty, it makes me so scared to even think about those days. i don't wish that even for my worst enemies.
It makes me think that it's so unfair that i am left behind, still recovering from that suckerpunch while everyone else has already got up, dusted themselves and got on with life.
i don't think i am fixed completely. And maybe i will never be. So, should i continue ruining somebody else's life or release them...
But what do i know...i am just the girl with mixed feelings about ice creams and everything else.
Sayonara
-.-
i let my walls come down
i let myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
- Smile Empty Soul, 'With this knife'
Today i want to talk to no one about how you can be surrounded by thousands of people and yet have no one to talk to. Its not like my friends and family don't love me, it is how you can miraculously find words to converse with a complete stranger and yet...can't utter a single sentence to the person sharing your bed.
i am awfully jealous of people who know where they want to go and what they want to do rather than being pushed, pulled, going with the flow. Hell, i can't even tell anyone which ice cream flavour i like or if i like ice cream at all? i can go for years believing i hate ice cream and decide one winter that i was wrong along.
i knew i loved you, before i met you
i think i dreamed you into life
- Savage Garden
Y is trying to make me feel better by sending me cheesy songs from the nineties. i feel bad for him, he doesn't have to bear with my volatile behaviour, my sudden need to push him away and the violent temper. What makes it worse is the feeling that i get in the pit of my stomach while i am misbehaving- he doesn't have to bear all this, then why? And for how long....
i don't ever want to find out, though. i feel indebted and the what if question haunts me. After M, i felt like a hole had been punched through me. i was so lifeless and empty, it makes me so scared to even think about those days. i don't wish that even for my worst enemies.
It makes me think that it's so unfair that i am left behind, still recovering from that suckerpunch while everyone else has already got up, dusted themselves and got on with life.
i don't think i am fixed completely. And maybe i will never be. So, should i continue ruining somebody else's life or release them...
But what do i know...i am just the girl with mixed feelings about ice creams and everything else.
Sayonara
-.-
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