Life of borrowed moments

Repeating words until they're true
It slows the breathing
Pretend they never came from you
It kills the feeling


i have been very ill for quite sometime now. Today's visit to the doctor required me to dilate my eyes and all that jazz.

i have never felt so miserable and self piteous in my life like i did then- sitting in the white sterilized and medicine smelling room, my eyes stinging and my sick body aching in various places.

Tearfully i asked my mom, "Mom, am i dying?"

The Answer- "If dying was so easy, i would have died long ago because of your mischief."

That is the most profound thought on death, i have heard so far. And i also came across this "Death Clock" app which can tell you when you are going to die. Try it it here.

In my defence for the weird question- I felt that the Rudyard Kipling prophecy about the Himalayas might just come true. I really believe in the whole returning to the Himalayas to die thing.

Anyway, lying down in my room, I can see the mountains…I am happy to be here but the loneliness never leaves. Sometimes it is hard to tell if I am alive or dead. 

I cannot let go of my demons either…they make me feel good. Maybe that is how I ended up here. It is too late to do anything about it anyway; I am in it for life or what is left of it. 

And this song keeps playing in my head...it is beautiful. 

Every time the wind blows
I know you will always be a part of me
even if Im born again I know you always be a part of me


Sayonara